The Birth of Sage Elizabeth

The day Sage was born started so similar to all the days leading up to it. I was so eager to meet her, but I secretly hoped I wouldn’t go into labor on April 1st because of how the day is “celebrated.” I think I even believed I could will her not to come on that day. Sagey had a different thought about my preference and saw the opportunity to make her arrival. 

Ben and I spent the whole morning together, running a couple of last minute errands, and going to the park. I had no signs of being in labor. I even made a castor oil mocktail because I was over being pregnant and was starting to get a little antsy about when my baby would come. This feeling of being past your due date and waking up each day wondering “if it'll be today” can be exhausting. I had definitely hit the pregnancy wall and was beginning to wonder if i'd be pregnant forever; however, babies know when it's their time to come so I kept trying to hold onto that and embrace the process rather than control the timing.

After consuming my castor oil mocktail at about 1:00pm, my water spontaneously broke mid “thank you” note at 2:30pm. At this point in time I had no other signs of being remotely close to the baby coming or my body being in labor. I wasn’t even sure if my water had broken or if I had peed myself. I called my home birth midwife and she confirmed my suspicions. Everything after that felt very surreal. I had always thought I'd go into labor in the middle of the night or there would be a slow build up of contractions. Since I was GBS+ I was nervous about the fact that my water broke and I had no signs of labor. I remember laying in bed waiting and praying for my sweet baby.

As soon as I started to pray and release control I felt the peace of Jesus that surpasses all understanding. I knew in the depths of my soul that He had my baby and that He was going to do something beautiful through this birth. I didn’t know what it would look like, but I did know that I wanted my faith to be deepened exponentially as I pressed into releasing my fear and doubt. 

Around 3:00pm I went from feeling nothing to going right into active labor. My contractions came strong and fast. They started off about 5mins apart lasting for a minute and quickly went to consistently being 3mins apart. At that point my doula arrived. It was so helpful to have someone to support me mentally and physically. She created space for Ben to take a breather, update our families, and tend to our dog. She helped me get my body into optimal positions so that the contractions would open things up rather than me fighting against them. She encouraged me to use my breath as a tool to go deeper rather than hold everything in. After doing a variety of movements my homebirth midwife showed up. Based on my breathing and demeanor, we knew that things were progressing quickly. My midwife checked me at 7pm and I was fully dilated and ready to push. I moved onto my bed and pushed for a little over an hour when my midwife said it was time to transfer to the hospital because with each push, Sage’s heart rate would drop and then skyrocket back up (60-170). After several heart tones with these numbers, my midwife thought it would be safer for me to be in an environment where all medical options would be available. Although I was confused and disoriented, I completely trusted her judgement and knew that we would only be transferring because things were serious. 

On our way to the hospital, I sat in total silence with Ben driving and holding my hand. I felt contractions come and go but I was so overwhelmed by all that was happening I had no space to cry, yell, or even speak. I kept my eyes closed for most of the 7min drive and silently cried out to Jesus. I knew in the depths of my soul that I literally had no control, I was about to walk into an unfamiliar hospital that was locked down in Covid mode and give birth without my doula, my mom, and my homebirth midwife. This was not what I had imagined. As these realities slowly began to set in, I kept praying. I kept begging Jesus to give me the peace that surpasses all understanding. I wanted Him to shift my perspective to release control.

Once we arrived at the hospital, I hugged my birth team goodbye and made my way to my hospital room. Ben and I waited a couple of minutes before we were met by an OB on call and several nurses, they put me on constant fetal monitoring and talked about the worst case scenario, being an emergency C-section where I would be put under since I was fully dilated and had no epidural. During this whole time Sage was moving and my body was still contracting and trying to push. Once the OB finished sharing her protocol, Ben and I looked at each other, signed some paperwork and hoped we would not have to end up getting ready for surgery. Soon thereafter, the on call hospital midwife arrived. I had never met her before but I could sense that she was a calm and experienced individual. She watched Sage’s heart rate for a few contractions as I pushed and although the numbers were varying she told me that she felt like things would be okay for me to move forward in letting my body do its thing. 

Being away from my birth team and my home was really hard, it took several contractions for me to feel more comfortable and to find a headspace where I could be present and merely focus on getting Sage out. During this whole transfer process and getting settled at a hospital, Ben was nothing but a calm and comforting presence. He stayed by my side the whole time and it was through all of the uncertainty that we had an even deeper connection where no words needed to be spoken, it was simply a look in each other's eyes and we knew everything would be okay. I praise the Lord for the calm and steady nature that he has given Ben especially in high stress situations. In this moment of transition and confusion I knew with my whole heart that Ben was with me and on my team. 

After an hour and a half of pushing at the hospital, our sweet Sage Elizabeth was born at 10:22pm. Feeling the immediate love and awe I had towards this child was incredibly surreal. I was flooded with feelings of peace and gratitude to be with her and that we had made it. 

Reflecting later that night I definitely did have sadness that my vision and plans for birth in the comfort of my home crumbled in a moment. The uncertainty was scary. I took too much comfort in what I thought I had control of, but Jesus gave me so much strength through the unknown. Through the process of pregnancy and birth I learned a lot about releasing control and fully trusting Jesus. I believe this growth that took place and continues to take place is something that we can all resonate with. There is so much beauty in finding a deeper trust and surrendering to the process. 

Wherever you are in life I hope this can be a word of encouragement especially when things are uncertain. Knowing you aren’t alone and even more importantly that you are deeply loved.