Fear

The past month has been wild for Ben and me. The two of us drove from Northern California -> SLC -> Aspen -> Denver -> Kansas -> St. Louis -> Louisville -> Greensboro -> Lynchburg -> Louisville… and after that entire journey, we are finally in Kentucky with no end in sight. We have been here for a week and are slowly getting settled. After spending the last year and a half living in different places for pockets of time, it feels strange (yet comforting) to know that Ben and I can put roots down and wholeheartedly invest in a community. I feel like my heart has yearned for steadiness and consistent community but now that it’s here - I don’t really know where to get started or how to get “plugged in.” It can be daunting and intimidating when trying new things in life. In some ways, I love it because it’s an opportunity to have a fresh start.

Through all of this I have been learning so much about myself and about the nature and character of who the Lord says He is. Many waves of being filled with fear along with eagerness for normalcy have crashed over me. I doubted the decision to leave everything familiar and come to a new place. I allowed the lie of never getting plugged in or invested to overwhelm my thoughts. I have questioned the character of the Almighty God by wondering if He really is going to provide and show up. At the end of all my fear and doubt, the steadiness and consistency of Jesus continues to drive me forward to taking risks, reaching out, and initiating conversations. Although the beginning of this journey isn’t easy, I know it is worth it to push through my fear and insecurities. I know beyond any of my feelings or flippant thoughts that through this refining process, the Lord is going to meet me with compassion and grace.

I have been fighting to overcome these different emotions by taking action instead of allowing them permission to linger in my heart and mind. For me, this process looks like prayerfully and intentionally noticing the fear or lie that is rumbling around in my mind and then speaking it out loud. Although this can be uncomfortable at times, I am truly finding that when I am vulnerable with myself, I am able to be more vulnerable with others. Through this process of audibly voicing my thoughts, I am able to invite the Holy Spirit to teach me how to replace my fear tendencies with the truth rooted in the nature of Jesus.

This was in Aspen at this famous spot called Maroon Bells

I recently realized how this new revelation could change the way I initially respond in strained moments where I feel agitated, fearful, or anxious. Over the last few days, Ben and I have been on the hunt for some good quality furniture for an affordable price for our new place. (If you have ever shopped for furniture of any kind, it is almost inevitable that the pieces you love are far out of what you can spend)… Anyways, we discovered that I had accidentally placed an order for the wrong couch that we agreed upon. In the grand scheme of things, I knew this wasn’t a huge deal. Yet in the moment, I became filled with fear thinking that we were going to be stuck with the “wrong couch.” I allowed all of my fear and negative thoughts to cloud my mind and attitude. I was rude and annoyed that Ben caught my error. I responded like a 2-year-old because I felt blamed and frustrated that I had messed things up. It wasn’t until after my emotional moment that I was able to pause and take a step back to see the impact of my reaction. Afterwards, I decided to be vulnerable and communicate the fear and irritation that I felt. Ultimately, this honest conversation brought us freedom and reconciliation. Through communicating my fear to the Lord and to Ben, I discovered that I waste a lot of time letting fear and insecurities rule my mind. I would much rather claim victory in Jesus and live in the freedom and authority He purchased for me!

It can be so easy to type these words out and “feel free” when I am not in the heat of the struggle... yet in the moment, it can be such a challenge. I hope my process and journey of vulnerability will encourage you to invite the Lord into the places and spaces you try to control in your own strength. Real and genuine freedom is rooted in Jesus Christ alone and when we let His Spirit in us compel us, we too will live in the freedom that is ours as His children!

The base of Maroon Bells

 “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

2 Corinthians 5:14-17

It’s been awhile since I have posted a recipe…mainly because of all the traveling but the other morning I was doing some experimenting with pumpkin and fell in love with these.

PUMPKIN PROTEIN PANCAKES

Ingredients:

-3/4 cup Almond or Coconut Milk + 1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice or White Vinegar

-1/2 Cup Pumpkin Puree

-1 Tablespoon Grass Fed Butter or Coconut Oil

-1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

-3 Tablespoon Maple Syrup
-1 Egg

-1 Teaspoon Baking Soda

-1/2 Teaspoon Baking Powder

-Pinch of Salt

-1 Teaspoon Pumpkin Pie Spice

-1 Teaspoon Cinnamon

-1 Cup Almond Meal

-1 Cup Oats

-1 Scoop Unflavored Protein Powder (if desired)

-1/2 dark chocolate chips (if desired)

Directions:

-Combine almond milk with lemon juice and sit aside to curdle (about 5 mins)

-In a separate bowl mix together baking soda, baking powder, salt, pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon, almond meal, oats, and protein if using it

-Turn stove top on to start preheating your skillet…try and find a sweet spot between medium and low heat or else these pancakes will burn

-Add pumpkin puree, melted butter or coco oil, an egg, vanilla and maple syrup to almond milk mixture then whisk together

-Combine wet ingredients with dry ingredients and whisk thoroughly

-Place butter or coco oil on skillet and once melted pour about 1/4 cup or less of the batter onto the skillet…the pancakes should have a little bit of room in between them so you are able to flip them…this is when I added dark chocolate chips to my pancakes

-Cook for about 2-3 minutes on each side and then flip to the other side….once they are fully cooked top them with your favorite things (I put a little coconut oil on mine) and enjoy!